like death on toast

Today, the brick house that is my pride recieved a destructive blow from the wolf I like to call, public speaking.

I'm not good at public speaking, I never have been, and I don't enjoy it. So, naturally, today, I had to do not one, but two presentations. They were horrible. Well, the second (for German) wasn't so bad, since I didn't have to worry about memorizing or making eye contact, only pronunciation, but of course I have to go and stutter and make an ass out of myself by saying I was "neunzig" rather than "neunzehn".

I still have another one to do, a second for college comm., except this one has to be 10 minutes long rather than 5... or the possible two I managed to spit out.

Ugh. I would rather die than have to speak in front of people. I'm not brave, I'm not secure, and I'm fully aware of these things and more. I don't need a room full of people judging me and reminding me of this, and if anyone says that "nobody's judging you" while you speak, they're lying. People ARE judging you, they do it gladly. I try as hard as possible to not give judgement, since I hate recieving it, but it's unstoppable.