(no subject)

Friday, November 25th, 2011 07:41 am
meo_chan: (Rammstein :: Till read)
"Just be more social."

Really? Why do I have to be the one that has to change? What's wrong with it just being one-on-one? Am I so unbearable that people need a large group around? A buffer? Am I really that detestable, that people can't stand to be alone with me?

Even when I try it doesn't work out.

Cor, I'm so lonely it hurts. :(

(no subject)

Wednesday, November 9th, 2011 05:20 am
meo_chan: (Rammstein :: Till read)
Nights like this, I really wish I was working. It's such a good distraction.

I keep going over things in my mind and getting depressed, even though I really have nothing to complain about, only little, superficial things... compared to everyone else, my life is just so insignificant.

Things that might not even be true, things that would probably never even happen...

I feel so overwhelmed by everything.

(no subject)

Thursday, October 6th, 2011 02:04 pm
meo_chan: (Rammstein :: Till read)
I laid in bed for nearly 2 hours before actually getting up. I just couldn't find a reason, really. Like, why even bother?

I'm starting to feel crushed under the weight of my own self-loathing.

(no subject)

Saturday, April 2nd, 2011 04:23 pm
meo_chan: (Default)
Already thinking about my birthday.

Already getting depressed.


(no subject)

Monday, March 14th, 2011 12:15 am
meo_chan: (Rammstein :: Till read)
Ugh, I've been in an awful funk all weekend.

My chest feels heavy and my stomach hurts and everything I eat makes me sick.

Severely bored, but it doesn't even feel like anything I do will be worthwhile.


(no subject)

Thursday, April 15th, 2010 10:32 pm
meo_chan: (Default)
It's almost my 22nd birthday.

The more I think about it, the more I want to cry.

(no subject)

Saturday, March 11th, 2006 12:30 pm
meo_chan: (ooh sad icon)
HA! I was right! I didn't lose any weight. Instead, I GAINED 2LBS WHAT THE HELL.


Anyway. Kyle's little friends are still here. I hope they leave soon. I don't like hearing all those extra voices.

You know that feeling when you think you're going to cry at any moment but then you don't? I have that right now, and I HATE IT SO MUCH.

I love Dallas Green, but his music is so depressing. I'm going to listen to him all day. :D

I want to go to Wal-Mart and buy movies from the discount bucket.

(no subject)

Tuesday, December 13th, 2005 05:31 pm
meo_chan: (ooh sad icon)
Thinking about it now, I haven't really talked to a lot of people; and that has absolutely nothing with the fact that I never, ever, start conversations. There have been chances, yes, but I just haven't been social.

I imagine that's why I'm always so unhappy. Being both a taurus and a dragon, it's natural for me to be a social being, thriving in those situations. But I'm just not doing it. Even with people I see everyday. I lock myself up, even though I know I enjoy it.

I can't help but wonder if things would be different if nothing happened in grade seven.

(no subject)

Wednesday, October 12th, 2005 12:13 am
meo_chan: (ooh sad icon)
Blah. Blah and blah again. I'm not happy.

Been watching documentaries on anorexics and the "ideal body image" in media studies, it was very depressing. Oh cruel fate, situating that class third, right after lunch.

I really want to be healthy again. I want to be happy with myself. I hate being fat.
meo_chan: (ooh sad icon)
I woke up this morning and was just lying in bed, I didn't want to get up. I heard scratches under my bed. The exact same ones that Zoro made when he crawled under there to sleep. I cried so much. Man, my eyes are still red. A little part of me is hoping that he came to visit me and I didn't just hallucinate it.

(no subject)

Wednesday, June 15th, 2005 09:01 pm
meo_chan: (ooh sad icon)
Well. Just something small today; I must apologize to everyone for being so detached, depressing, and just all around bitchy. Sorry. Times are bad. I will try to be more cheerful and such. It'd be easier with a cigarette or two! (even though I know that CERTAIN PEOPLE would be quick to disagree) I suspect that I'll be listening to The Supremes a lot over the next couple days.

I need to go to the mall again... I've already used a whole candle and nearly the entire pack of incense...

Cowboy-Ninja-Pirate-Knight )
meo_chan: (ooh sad icon)
Still depressed, so here's a quick little thing.

- Legs feeling considerably better, knee is killing me. Hurts if I put any sort of pressure on it.
- Watched The Outsiders.
- Been having difficulty eating normally.
- Dad and Kyle acting like assholes, not helping much.

So basically, only one good thing happened so far today, that being The Outsiders. I love that movie.

(no subject)

Saturday, May 21st, 2005 01:44 pm
meo_chan: (ooh sad icon)
I don't think I'm going to go online today. Maybe not for the whole weekend actually, because right now I'm in a horribly depressed mood. If I feel better tomorrow I might, but probably not; I don't want to take any chances.

I just feel so drained and just really awful lately. It seems like I can't cheer myself up. No matter what I do I'm not happy or anything. I think that if I go online I'll just be bothering my friends and I don't want to do that. Honestly I think I've bothered them enough, I'm sure they're all sick of me, and I apologize for that.

Not sure if I'll continue to update over the weekend, I'll think more about that later.
meo_chan: (ooh sad icon)
Been feeling depressed today, not sure why. I just feel really really bad. I wonder if something happened... (maybe I'll ask my cards later and see if anything comes up, because this is so weird)

Had an interesting conversation at lunch today. Somehow we got onto the topic of sex/marriage. Katherine and Alicia said they would save sex until after they were married, and I think Jen said that too. I don't remember what Verena said about it, and I said it wouldn't matter, but I'd probably never end up doing it anyway. *dies* Then Alicia said I was like "an athiest nun". XD Yes, I do realize that is somewhat of an oxymoron, but damn, it's funny. Alicia, you win at LIFE. :D

I also couldn't help but notice that even when friends are in a big group together, they will form little groups among themselves. Two or three friends will have inside jokes with eachother, or some will know something others don't, and it breaks everyone up, even in a large group! Everyone is friends and happy with everyone else, but will only share things with particular friends! Why can't people just share everything? No secrets among friends, it just makes things complicated. I mean, that's what friends are for right? To help eachother out with problems and such... but that isn't easy if some don't know what's going on, but still want to help! I bet if everyone in the world was open and honest, then there might not be as many problems are there are now.

...Wow. Looks like hippie!April decided to come out and play. o_O;;

Watching the movie Ali in world religion. Yay boxing. It makes me happy, but nothing beats Jesus Christ Superstar, nyaa~

I should really stop doing this... )

PP UPDATE: green pants
meo_chan: (ooh sad icon)
I'm so crappy today. I feel about 100x more stressed out than I was before, mostly because of my school marks, but I've never freaked out about them before. Arg.

I had this weird emotional breakdown this morning too. It came out of nowhere, I was just watching tv before leaving for school, and it's the top tens on much music. The song Life by Our Lady Peace comes on, and I just burst into tears. I cried for about 5 minutes. It was awful, and I have no idea why. Stupid emotions.

I had a cigarette today. I feel kinda bad about doing it, but I'm feeling so stressed out... it actually made me a little less stressed, but not much.

PP UPDATE: green pants
meo_chan: (ooh sad icon)
Crap crap crap. April was feeling depressed and sick today, but she decided to act all YAY HAPPY HAPPY instead of being all gloomy. She had a math test and she thinks she failed it because she's pretty sure she used a bunch of the wrong forumals.

Those bitches in her 3rd period class were being so annoying today too! They kept making fun of her, Jen, and Verena. She was so pissed off! She wanted to go and punch them in the face. Rawr. She's debating on whether she should go to the mall and get things for voodoo dolls or not. Voodoo dolls are pretty damn tempting. There was a mass thingy today for easter, it was pretty typical stuff. Jen and Ashley were eating goldfish.

Hee, April jumped in puddles when she was walking home from school. It was fun, it made her feel better. Hopefully the easter break will be cheerful and such.

She isn't quite sure why, but April wanted to have a cigarette today. She isn't going to though. She's still feeling sick, so she might go to sleep for a while, maybe it'll make her feel a little better. Or maybe not. :/

PP UPDATE: green pants
meo_chan: (ooh sad icon)
Today sucks. Mom is being an uber-bitch.

I was doing better these past couple days or whatever. Yesterday I was getting depressed again, today is even worse. I cried. A lot. Awful. So now my head hurts from crying, and add that on with being sick... very bad day. :(

I went through my CDs again today. I missed a bunch from when I first went through them. My entire CD holder thing is almost full! :O I didn't think I had that many (although most of them are burned, but whatever, shut up). I might switch some stuff around and listen to something I haven't in a while. Might cheer me up. (Will hopefully cheer me up)

I wanted to run away last night. Seriously. I just wanted to take some money and get out of the house. I could've. But there isn't really anywhere I could go. I'd just end up wandering around for hours until I either decided to go home, or my parents noticed I was gone and went looking for me. *sigh*

I'm so glad no one [online] has talked to me today. It might help or something, but I don't want to bother people with all my weird depressing crap. (I've done that enough already, sorry everyone) :(

I can't believe March break is almost over! I don't want to go back to school on monday...
meo_chan: (happy monkey)
I'm feeling a lot better today! Well, depression-wise. I still feel kinda sick, blah. I didn't get much sleep either... I kept waking up in the middle of the night with these awful coughing fits. Not fun.

I have to clean my room today, probably for the whole day. It has to be spotless. :/ Actually, the entire house has to be cleaned and fixed up in two weeks so we can put it up for sale, nyaa. (I'll probably be really depressed again during those weeks...)

I'm gonna try to write more happy things, becuase I'm sure no one wants to read about how depressed I am, it's not very fun. I'll also try to be more happy, because being depressed sucks, and its really wearing me out. Blah.

Quote of the Day:
"If you ask me, this country could do with a little less motivation. The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans. I'm not sure that motivation is always a good thing. You show me a lazy prick lying in bed all day watching TV, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble." - George Carlin
meo_chan: (ooh sad icon)
I'm still depressed, but not as much. Yay! It's kinda weird though, I'm more depressed at home than I am at school, but considering the circumstances I guess that's normal. And there's friends at school so it's more happy. :/

My stomach has been hurting a lot lately... I think I might be getting sick. Just my luck, I always get sick when I have time off. Unless it's just because of all the stress... either way, it's really painful. x_x I can't even really eat properly. I'll be hungry, so then I'll eat but my stomach will start hurting, so I have to stop. It's really frustrating.

I wish I had something good to write about, but I don't. *sigh* Well, maybe something good will happen later tonight that I can write about...

PP UPDATE: green pants
meo_chan: (ooh sad icon)
Omg, cheer up emo kid x100!! :(

We went to look at the new house today, and picked out carpet/floor colors and stuff, and I'm SUPER DEPRESSED now. I don't want to move! Especially not into a townhouse! It's so small! ;_; What made the me most upset was that I was looking through models and such, and there's a house with the EXACT same layout as the townhouse, only it's a little bigger. I didn't mention it to the 'rents though, cause they'd just get pissed off and yell at me. Fuck.

*sigh* At least we won't be moving until the summer. And I'll still be going to the same school, so that's good. It sucks majorly... but it can't be helped.

I'm gonna go play tetris now.

EDIT, 12:20am:
(for lack of anything better to do...)

Your Suicide.. by Konstantine
Your Name/Username
Favorite Number?
Favorite Color?
How will you commit suicide?You will stab a knife through your heart
How many tries will it take?90
When will you commit suicide?April 22, 2034
What will your suicide note say?The munchkins made me do it!
Quiz created with MemeGen!

I'm going to die on my birthday!? WTF. That's even more depresssing... and damn eerie too. o_o (curse those munchkins!)

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